
If it’s behind the scenes or center stage. Fear tangled or joy attached. Blind or perfect vision. To be willing. Open. Aware. Of my own life. And it’s labor in the harvest and the next generation to come. But also willing to pick out the weeds in my own heart. Mind. Soul. Actions.
In 2017 I gratefully received a chance to go back to Farmington, NM to attend VBS on the reservation. The first year I went (2016) I was assigned to being a teacher’s helper, it was my cup of tea! I loved it. It was exactly what I wanted to do. So going into year two of the mission trip thinking I was more than likely gonna be put in the same position. Little did I know that wasn’t the case. The drive there was split into two days, the second day of driving I got handed the sheet of paper telling each person there task. As I skimmed through looking for my name, I found it under music. I panicked. I can’t sing. I’m a terrible dancer. And I would be the center of attention for everyone. I continued happy and excited about the week to come. Yet internally I was freaking out! The first day of VBS we had to make up dance moves for the songs (like I said I can’t dance) but ya know I rolled with it. But I remember my first class to teach music, I sat on the edge of the stage flipping through the scriptures, crying. Trying cling to a sense of peace and security. I had panic attacks fear gripped me from the inside out. My comfort zone had been demolished. But little did I know my faith was being strengthened, as the days past it became less awkward and more fun. And if you know me awkward is my thing and fun is not so much. I like sitting back and listening. Not stepping up and everyone watching. It prepared me for the years to come into teaching bible stories for the 1st-6th graders, it helped me teach a small group. It helped me, even when I thought it was ultimately killing me from the inside out. It shaped. It grew me. It helped me let go of the things I can’t control and roll with the things Jesus can.
“And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.””
Matthew 9:35-38
But being the plower or the labor doesn’t mean I get to pick my work or my service but that I’m willing to go where my master sends me. Because I can easily go to the next harvest over but will it be abundant? Will the master be merciful and true, or will it charm with me with the things of waste and fleeting moments.
“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,”
2 Timothy 1:7-10
I say this a lot and it’s a saying/ quote I made for myself but it’s “Walking and leading in the unknown to make God known.” What am I doing if my master is more gracious loving kind forgiving than any others and I’m not making him known or bringing more people to him?













